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Dec 21, 2003
Hurting...

I hate to admit but I'm jealous. Y and R are getting closer each day and G keeps on teasing me that I am really indeed jealous. I kept on denying that fact but deep inside I wanna spank them two. I see myself now as a big loser. All these times I thought that we were really for each other, actually there's certainly a LOT times that I felt this way to former crushes. I often end up frustrated. Now I view life as a big frustration and being such a daydreamer is a foolish act. It broke my nerve when I learned that Y and R are texting each other. Actually R's not a mere crush but there's something beyond that. It's more than that and I was really doomed when I learned those "obnoxious" facts. Why is it that there's other people who has everything? Why is there such an individual whose very versatile? to the extend that others feel so inferior? Insecuries eat me and tho I know I'm young and there's certainly a lot of good things that will more likely to happen in the future, I focus more on the fact that I am so weak. I want to be strong. Indifference is not a sin but a self-assertion. I dunno but I am so paranoid. It's my nature to become insane. I can't really predict myself and I am always digging deeper to know more about myself. Im not the kind of person who just linger in my physical being but I want to explore and discover things about life and my nature. I'm more interested in psychological aspects rather than senseless stuffs. I just needed an outlet where I can spill out everything without limit and only peeps that I prefer to read can peruse my crappy writings here. My friend Y knows the URL of my site and she "reports" to school everything that she reads inmy blog, so I should be careful and selective about the things that I'm gonna write there. Unlike here wherein I can really blurt out Everthing. I hope you guys who reads this now will not give the URL of this page to just anybody cos I maintain my privacy here, and be flattered cos you are one of the very few people whom I trust with all my heart. This is a window in my life, I hope you'll understand me more upon reading my shoddy blogs.

Posted at 09:10 pm by rants
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